Living with undead by kkheisummers

An adventure story by kkheisummers.

Starting with the book cover I think you need to change it. It could be more creative and eye catching. Posting in the multimedia club for a book cover would benefit the story a lot. Also the font is not visible. Try and chose a book cover which would make your font color really stand out.

The prologue was interesting but very short. Try and make it more elaborate. Try to give some more details about the plot and your character so that the readers get a faint idea about what they are going to read about. But make sure not to give away the whole idea. Two paragraphs would be enough for the prologue.

The chapter was good. The start was capturing but the grammar could be a bit more accurate. You missed certain commas and some sentences could be re-framed  Its nothing major, especially nothing that an edit of the chapter wouldn't fix.

The details and descriptions flow well with the story. I liked the idea of your main character and especially Narumi's. She seems to be very secretive. I loved the plot and the way you are taking it ahead. Good job. The other thing I would like to suggest is, the first chapter is too short for the beginning, it could have been a bit more longer but that depends from person to person!

Overall, I like the concept and the way its written.

Check it out here: http://www.wattpad.com/story/4050455-living-with-the-undead-on-hold

-SJ