Clarity by JJJOAH

A non-teen fiction by JJJOAH


Beginning with the book cover I think it was very intriguing. Very thoughtfully crafted and chosen for the story. It actually makes the reader very curious.

The prologue was interesting, but I think the first sentence could be restructured. The word 'after' is used twice in the same sentence which makes it weird to read. Changing it to something like, 'After a rising singer is put on 'vacation', the tabloids trash her image with a scandal. She's given a bone by....' would be better and would help in the flow of the prologue. Overall, as I said, it was interesting and something different.

The chapter was well written. I liked the flow of the chapter. Its slow and takes the story forward step by step. The descriptions are good and so are the details but I would suggest writing them in more depth, it could be more useful.

There's one suggestion I would like to make. Don't make the dialogues bold. It catches the reader's attention quite quickly and the details and descriptions written don't matter much then. Just write them in plain simple text, if you want to highlight them make a new paragraph with every dialogue, plus that would make the paragraphs more shorter and easy to read.

There are no issues with the tense of the story, its continued in one tense and that's a good thing because people normally tend to mess up. Yes, but there are certainly some issues with commas, I know, they are difficult to deal with but I think getting an editor at this stage would be perfect.

Overall, it was great, different and very well written.

Keep writing and most important, enjoy it!

Remember we write for ourselves not for the world.

Check it out here: http://www.wattpad.com/story/5155220-clarity

-SJ