Setting Free, a teen fiction by ForeverAlways101
Here's what I think.
As always I'll begin with the cover. Its beautiful, actually beautiful. The fonts are amazing as well. Loved it.
The Prologue - I think it was good. But it needs a little improvement though. Polish it up maybe? For example: Avery, when she is found by the police in the parking lot, you could describe it in little more detail because it is obvious she would be crying. So I think a little more detail other than crying would add to the flow. Apart from this, I think it was a good prologue, unique and creative.
Moving over to the chapter I think the start was great. I loved Avery's interaction with her sister and how playful they were. Plus, it was written beautifully. The scene was quite imaginative and constructive.
But in the fourth paragraph, it is 'until she feel...' it should be 'felt' since the story is in past tense. The word, 'face' is also repeated twice in the same line. Prefer finding a synonym for it, so it does not sound repetitive. Other than these, I think the flow was great. The built of the chapter could have been more, like for two pages or something. I think it is too short for a first chapter, unless it could be renamed as prologue.
Improvements?
Here's what would suggest.
-Increase the length of the chapter. A bigger chapter with around 2000 words would be suitable. That would make around three pages of wattpad and six of Microsoft word.
-Also going into a little more detail would benefit the chapter a lot. Visualizing the scene, while writing helps a lot.
-A little more interaction between Avery and her mother would be good to read and it would add to the flow of the chapter. Since, she is her mother, she should be even more concerned about her daughter than what is displayed in the chapter.
-Proofreading before posting helps a lot. That is always a clue for improving.
Overall, good story. Little mistakes but worth reading.
Check it out here: http://www.wattpad.com/story/5259479-setting-free
-SJ
No comments:
Post a Comment